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S a b r i n a : ) 
heyy y'all. go easy with the name. it's sa-bri-na and im 8teen going 9teen. The truth is, i am not the nice girl i may have seem to be. But still, you do not differ from me much, don't you think? Enjoy your presence. ♥ |
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s c r e a m ! |
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b u h b y e ! |
Labels: favorite
Labels: babbling, new year, random
I feel a sudden disconnect with the world around me. I still care, but not that much anymore. I don’t know what is wrong with me. But as I grow older, I learned that family is always the priority. And I don’t need a thousand friends when only one can move me out from sober.
Talk about being a loser. I already feel like one. I shut myself away from people. People whom I used to be fond of. Friends, especially. Living life like there’s no point of living. There’s a few who realized this and came. But I never let them in. Never. It’s like I’m hiding a big secret when there’s nothing to be hidden. I’m afraid of something that isn’t real.
If this what normal people feel eventually when they were growing up? Cause this doesn’t sound normal. I have a beautiful family at home. Not as much as beautiful as yours. Greatest friends in time in need. And absolute partner who loves me dearly. But still, I reckon all of that is not enough.
I’m missing something. But I have no idea what it is. People said I stop caring, that’s what happened. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this post you see. But nor on my twitter, facebook, my social life has gone down from 8 to zero. Literally speaking, zero. I have no absolute interest to update what’s happening throughout my life lately cause believe it or not, I have no life.
And it’s not me who stop caring for the world. It’s the other way around.
Exactly.
I am not a loner. I am not an attention-seeker.
This is me expressing my thoughts to the world. Isn’t that how it all work out?
A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.
I don't wanna waste the weekend
If you don't love me, pretend a few more hours, then it's time to go
As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm
It's too late to cry
To broken to move on
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.
Misplaced trust and old friends
Never counting regrets
But a grace of god I do not rest at all
In new England as the leaves change
The last excuse I'll claim, I was a boy who loved a women like a little girl
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my,
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesn't seem far away
A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.
You are my heaven.
Labels: icanrelate, music
When it comes to our birthdays, our close friends and loved ones will start to ask “What do you for your birthday?” and honestly, I never can actually answer that
question. It simply goes by without a word.
NOW LET ME ASK YOU. IF IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now if you asked me, it depends on the people. Parents, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriends, friends and acquaintance. They all jump into different categories.
Parents
Yelah, kalau bab2 parents ni, kdg2 tak sedar diri mintak iPhone la, iPad la, Blackberry and all those expensive stuff. Mostly because we know they could afford it. But I like to keep it short and simple. If my mom takes the whole family out for my birthday dinner party, I’d love that. What’s more to ask, right? I hold on to my late dad’s word. If you want something from people, you got to give something back to them too. Thus, all that gadgets that I owned and still do, I’m proud to say I deserve them. All of these, laptop, smart phone, and a car, which is on its way (well maybe next month or the next three years T__T ), I owned it because I worked my ass off for all those big exams. I love you, mama, Abah (Al-Fatihah). :)
Siblings
Huh. What can I expect more from my siblings? Haha. Abang ja yang dh kerja pun. But he’s getting married in February 2012 if I’m not mistaken so there. He got no money to be wasted on me. Sad. But then, I have a freaking hot sistahhh who just started her work after raya ! Last year, she gave me a watch BECAUSE SHE TOOK THE ONE WHO’S MINE but that doesn’t count. :D x untung jgk adik beradik ramai neh. Nanti bg dekat sorang, yang lain pun nak jugak. Apapun takboleh. My 2nd brother, kashah. Always nagging me bout how I can give presents to my friends and boyfriend but not him. Simple. Cause you never ever thought of giving me one too? *smirk* And there’s my lil brother, Ben who always act like he’s 5 years older than he really is. Once when I was still in my high school, I gave he something. Tapi bila gaduh, kelas kau, dgn benda2 tu dia hempuk dekat lantai. DUIT AKU JAHHHHHH. Sumpah tak beli dah lepastu. Whatever it is, all of us make a big happening family. I love each and every one of you.
Boyfriend
I don’t want to be all cliché, but really. All I want for my birthday is you. Teehee. There are a few things to ask from you though Mr.B, but then, if I started, you’ll be finish. Haha. I want a big cuddly teddy bear so I can hug him whenever I’m alone, sad, before I go to bed or when I think of you. It’s really like a substitute of you, cause you can’t be with me like all the time, kan? But then, I also wanted a Polaroid so I can take a lot of pictures of us together and put in on my bedroom wall. Then again, I really wanted those long dates or big surprise that all boyfriends always do for their girlfriends. Being able to sit around and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not much to ask, huh? Love you baby. :)
Girlfriends
There are two types of my girlfriends.
Number 1: The best friend who you’re real close to. You see them at least twice a week, maybe more. You talk a lot and catch up on everything.
Number 2: The best friend you don’t talk to as often, but deep down, you’ll always know that they’re your best friend. They understand you, although they barely see you.
I would kill just to have some good time with my girlfriends. A sleep over, will do! Please? I miss all of them so effing much. A weekend runaway to a total stranded island with all of us sounds good.
Salma, Jinfeng, Paie, Mila, Amei, Teynsyah, Kyla, Naniey, Azreen, Syairah, Adik, Faz, Nurin, Sherry, SS, Wanda, Izzaty Riang Ria, Scha, Tegar.
Ahhhh ! Writing all these names would take me up forever !
All hail Asmarians batch 2005-2009 !
I MISS YOU. :’)
So that’s the end of it. I won’t ask much for my birthday. I thanked god for giving me a chance to live, Alhamdulillah. For both of my parents whom I loved so much for raising me well, my siblings for teaching me when there’s heaven, there’s hell. My boyfriend, Ajim, thanks for being with me through thick & thin, and lastly to all my friends, for being there. Always. Still to those who asked, here’s my wish list.
1) Samsung Galaxy S II !!
2) Ipad2 @ Samsung Galaxy Tab @ Playbook (either one will do ! :D)
3) A new car. Easy on the fuel, please.
4) A Polaroid. The big one.
5) New clothes, dresses, jeans. Lots n lots of them !
6) A new mp3 player. My iPod after 4 years, dah mati. Sorry Uncle Rahmat. T_T
7) A brand new flat shoes. <3
8) Being able to eat a lot and not gain weight. Who has the cure?
ALL DONE!
Labels: 19, birthday, last, teenager, to 20
i miss how i always wanted to stay back late at school so that you can fetch me once you're back from work. even i have nothing to do. you would knock my head off if i let you wait for a minutes or so. gosh, dad. every single morning during raya, you would brag how much we were late to go back to maktok's kampung?
and when you were hospitalized, how i love to sleep right next to you in the hospital bed but mom would never allowed me? :( that one month, the hospital became my 2nd home. i don't mind skipping schools so that you won't have to be alone lying in the bed. you cried once, cause one night just because the gardenia twiggies at the hospital store ran out of stock. it killed me to see you like that.
how you lose weight so drastically. how i stupidly joke that i envied you for getting thin in such a short time. how you told your friends you felt so guilty for being in the center of attention when i was the one who supposed to get it since im facing those big silly spm at the same time?
that one moment. i was studying for my trials. i was sitting alone in the dining table. and you came. observing me study. you smiled, dad. you smiled. you told me how proud you are of me. you asked me to be strong. and you said sorry, dad. FOR WHAT?
"...for taking all of the attention you needed."
they don't know how i feel. how come they tell me to be strong? they don't go through the same thing as i am how can they tell me they understand?wherever you are right now that, my prayers are always with you. and that, eventhough there were a lot of jerks and fake friends i had found recently, i didn't give up, dad. to me, they were all nonsense pathetic people. idgaf. u teach me that.
no matter how many boyfriends i had, you will always be my no #1 man.
I LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU. AL-FATIHAH.
Labels: dad, i miss you
Until now. It still didn’t make sense. Why him? And not somebody else. He’s not trustworthy. It’s proven. He broke my trust with disgust. He tore me up to pieces when I’m on my preparation to my final. And again it makes me wonder,
how did he manage to do that? TWICE.
He’s not family. Hell no, he never is. He’s not a friend. Or, he used to be. He’s not someone special, maybe not to me. I don’t understand. After everything that happened, he managed to stay. Without a bit of self-humiliation. He’s not even ashamed of what he has done. Despite me, the one who found out every single dirt that he's being doin behind ours back with my bare eyes.
He still being him. Make friends with everybody. Shake hands. Hangin’, yeahh. So he’ll has an alibi. To back him up when things fall out. When things fall out, im the victim. I were to be blame of every single thing. Why me? Why not him? Why did I have to take the bait?
You think this is enough? No. He dragged everyone into this drama. Even my precious one.
I swore the day he made my baby cried, he will pay for it.
It’s just a matter of time, beeetch. You’ll see.
Yeahh, i know. To give is to forgiven. How could I forgive someone who was so self-centered? Who proclaims like he's giving benefits to other people. Who acts like he's an angel. The hell you're not. I hate you for being close to her.
For being more than what you should be.
I hold all of these for too long now. I need to let it out. I tried to say something before, but did you listen?
Labels: songs
Labels: rambling
